‘Weapons hot’ Mad Dogs bite back to form with an outstanding victory over the mighty Sandroyd to cap

The Mad Dogs cricket team descended from all corners of the globe to the beautiful countryside surroundings of Salisbury to embark on a challenging weekend’s cricket. ‘Weapons hot’ was the mantra and at the times over the weekend they were piping.

Girths and hairlines may have increased somewhat over the off-season but this was a Mad Dogs outfit hungry for cricket (as well as kebabs, beers and shots) and displaying a moderate of professionalism by mostly being in bed before midnight on the Friday night. Ed ‘Watto’ Watson led the charge in many ways both on and off the pitch, including a polite enquiry on the first evening to Sarah, our very patient hotel receptionist, on whether she would like to have a dance. Sarah politely declined but there was a lot of love in the reception as we headed to our beds. One could sense and smell a steely determination among the squad to buck the trend of 6 successive tour defeats culminating in a 100% record of failure.

Not deterred, the majority of the dogs retired to the Old Ale House in Salisbury to talk tactics amidst a healthy fry-up and a fair few ales…at 8.30 morning. It was vital to embrace the success of the mighty British Lions as a source of inspiration before taking on the might of Sandroyd in the afternoon. It was also bloody hot and therefore the taking on of necessary fluids in the morning would serve us well as we waddled onto the hallowed turf of Sandroyd School. What a wonderful cricket pitch and the dogs decided that the best way to warm up was to have light walk on the outfield and for some, a gentle snooze before play.

Watto was easy on the eye (not off the pitch mind) clipping some Denis Compton style straight drives in partnership with Garves, who more resembled a snarling, gruff Dave Warner with a cracking batting display at the top. Garves top scored with 48 but this would not be England unless there was a batting collapse. Sure enough a middle order folding at the hands of some express pace led by Trevor, a brisk ex-South Africa A player, put the dogs back into familiar territory. Inglefield pushed the total up a wee bit towards the end with the dogs posting a respectable 150 odd. It should be mentioned that brothers in arms, ‘Tim’ and Giles Bourne, contributed a vital couple of runs to the cause with ‘Tim’ making his first run since 1983.

With a score on the board, the Dogs felt it important to replenish depleted fluids with a couple of beers at teatime to be ready for some bowling. Ant, Watto, Bryan and Garves were the middle-aged equivalent of Ambrose, Walsh, Marshall and Bishop and what a performance they put in. Watto resembling a decent version of Peter Siddle in his run-up tore through a very decent Sandroyd batting line-up to grab a ‘five for’ with Garves also contributing wickets. Honourable mentions go to Brett for taking his first catch in quarter of a century and Billy…I mean Keith for some athletic wicket keeping, belying his many years.

To be quite honest there was such shock when Ant took the dangerous Trevor with the final wicket, it was difficult to know who was more surprised– Us or Sandroyd? If you thought the Lions snatching a 1-1 draw in Auckland earlier in the day was a shock, it was nothing compared to the drama being played out in Sandroyd. Interestingly it just goes to show how important heavy alcohol intake, poor fitness and jetlag are when winning a cricket match. Hats off to the lads from Sandroyd, who put on an excellent feed and ale to make sure we were good to go for a night out in Salisbury.

The New Inn was our place of consumption and a cracking pub with a large garden at the back to house the victorious dogs. There was not much doggy style opportunity given the caliber of women and also the excitable squaddies present. Well done ‘Tim’ by the way for showing a couple of squaddies what a true soldier acts like. Buoyed by his first run in 35 years, ‘Tim’ led the charge alongside the irrepressible Watto with some shots to get the party started. Watto took care on some of us by saying that 3 of the shots on one tray were actually water. Strangely flavoured water down these parts. Honourable mention to Ant who faithfully stuck by a nightclub obsessed Watto in the early hours of the morning. And also to Sir Giles for staying out longer than most despite emphatically saying to Keef and I, that it would be 1 or 2 at the very most before bedtime.

Another glorious day awaited us on Sunday morning. The dogs arose determined to repeat the heroics from the day before. Relaxed and unhurried each dog quietly focused on the task in hand. Watto, decided a night with Bono was to be the evening’s entertainment. Brett and Bryan were a picture of calm and Harvs and Inglefield were in discussions around the appalling state of British politics.

The idyllic Chalke Valley was our final game, a must win match to keep the run going. A light ale was the perfect pick me-up and of course the regulatory snooze for the warm up. James Holland and his band of mostly young troops, save an 80 year old (less said about that the better Sir Giles) looked mean, lean and relatively fit. Wilting under the oppressive Salisbury heat, the dogs could not find the snap in their bowling or fielding. Garves threw himself around in the covers like a young Jonty Rhodes and even took a steepler despite being partially blinded through the haze of alcoholic poisoning. Inglefield manfully sent 5 overs down for the first time in 25 years using an old shoulder injury as a cunning excuse for conceding a 20 run over. Harvs led from the front as skipper, expertly rotating his bowlers and securing an outstanding direct hit from the covers to run out Mr. Holland.

Nonetheless 205 was a tall order. Once again Garves and Watto impressed at the top of the order with a contender of shot of the day from Watto with an effortless straight six. But similar to the England batting collapse in the morning, the Dogs sadly did not get close to the total despite a battling 39 from Inglefield. Captain Harvey did not go down without a fight producing a glorious back foot cover drive off their fastest bowler. Indeed both Harvey and Gareth (despite running the wrong way on a couple of occasions) impressed towards the end, perhaps due in fact to the arrival of their respective lady friends. ‘Tim’ and Giles again contributed a vital couple of runs before a Greek tragedy of a run out by their childhood friend James Holland ruined a blossoming and promising partnership.

So bringing an end to a wonderful tour where friendships were forged, cricketing abilities enhanced and livers destroyed. A special thanks to Giles for putting this tour together. ‘Armi Calde’ until the next time with Sri-Lanka and Japan mentioned as possible options in 2019.